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you held me back from the world
and now you want to kill me
you stole my soul and ate my heart
and took away my feeling
but i know some things that you dont
and breathing wont come easy
so im deleting you instead  
you should've known who you were beating  
you thought because you were bigger you were better
but this you should know too
its never easy when your cheating
so Im here to tell you now
that you can't stop me from leaving
and dont think i'll be back for more
cause there's no good in you Im seeing
©2008-2009 ~orochirama10
:iconorochirama10:

Author's Comments

dont hold back when you have the chance to leave

Comments


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:iconpunchdrunklover:
I don't exactly have time right now for a proper critique, but one thing I did notice that I am about to suggest is that in the last line instead of saying "cause there's no good in you Im seeing" try "cause, in you, there's no good I'm seeing"
Also, add punctuation. A poem without punctuation is sort of.. Amateur. If a word is mis-spelled or lowercase or without punctuation, it should be deliberate.
i.e. e. e. cummings

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No one I think is in my tree
:iconorochirama10:
woah that was a lot of critique...ing but thanks so much it means a lot for some one to give me advice like that. most people dont care. and yea i love to know those websites.!!!!!

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icon credit- =TehRaBbIt

I :heart: Orochimaru!

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July 15, 2008
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